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Saturday, September 12th, 2009
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12:43 am - I feel so pathetic...
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Was supposed to be helping out at RnR tonight. I got there ok and helped set up but I'd been feeling sick since the morning and news that the guy I like is now dating a tall, slender gorgeous girl didn't exactly make me feel all that much better. I got overwhelmed and had to leave eventually, did a Cinderella and ran off at 11:55.
Yesterday was my birthday, normally it's the worst day of the year for me, I always seem to be unhappy then. But it was different yesterday. I enjoyed the day and had fun, it was good. I guess the misery just got delayed for a bit.
It was the second anniversary of mums passing on the 6th and we're scattering her ashes on Monday. It's no wonder I feel like this, I just wish I didn't.
current mood:  sad
current music: Dead Can Dance
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Thursday, August 20th, 2009
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10:41 pm
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| Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
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12:58 am - This is interesting...
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| Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
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7:29 pm - Writer's Block: Total Eclipse of the Sun
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A reminder that we're just specks of dust in this solar system, one minute here and gone the next.
That the universe is bigger than all of us thinking otherwise is just plain arrogant.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 28th, 2009
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9:43 pm - This = Pure awesome.
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| Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009
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9:30 pm
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| Tuesday, May 5th, 2009
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10:31 pm
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Had another sex dream about Gordon Ramsey last night. What the hell is wrong with me? I don't feel any attraction to him, not consciously anyway. Don't remember any details from this one, aside from that it was in Darling Harbour this time as opposed to Newtown. And the colours were mostly cool whites, blues, silvers and royal purple and lots of bright, clear sunlight.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
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11:52 pm
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I had to get this of my chest 'cause it's just too weird to keep bottled up. Even at the best of times my dreams leave me feeling bugged and out of sorts but none of them have quite made me go WTF??!! like this one.
Starts out with me apparently involved in some sort of cooking/celebrity chef reality tv show. We're on some strange little cafe/art~y bookstore type establishment and my good self and the other contestants (only 4 or 5 of them i think...) are scurrying about the place making light cafe food and coffee and tea while the Celebrity Chef sits out the back with the owner by a pot bellied stove reading a newspaper.
Along the way people screw up as they are wont to do in these sorts of shows and Celebrity Chef throws huge tantrumy fits as he is wont to do. I screw up to at one point, though I'm not sure what I did wrong, something to do with a customer and getting an order wrong or something.
Celebrity Chef doesn't fly off into a fit with me though, I get taken out the front (which is oddly also out the back, but this is dream-space so doesn't really need to follow our rules) and assume the hands on the wall and spread 'em position as if I'm about to be searched. For some reason I'm still holding a cup and saucer of coffee in one hand, I can't say why but it seems really important that I am.
Celebrity Chef then fondles, gropes and generally roughs me up an a sexual kind of way while growling in my ear that this is in fact a reward for good behaviour and not a punishment as everyone thinks. They aren't allowed to know that however and I have to pretend I've been told off.
the dream winds up with me serving a cup of coffee to the owner out by the glowing pot bellied stove, he smiles at me when he takes it and over his shoulder I can see the Celebrity Chef nodding and smiling in an approving way.
The colours of the place where all this was happening were very warm, earthy tones in orange, red, yellow and dark forest green. All us contestants were wearing vaguely medieval/hippyish clothes in similar tones or all out black in a rough woven sort of cotton or hessian. Celebrity Chef was wearing his usual white and black uniform.
Now what's really confusing is I'm not into this particular celebrity chef, the only reason I watch his shows is for his impressive over-use of the word fuck.
The other strange, though positive, thing about this dream is that when I woke up from it and had gotten over the initial shock was that I felt really good. Like I'd let go of something that I'd been holding back, sort of lighter. Most of the time if I remember my dreams they have the opposite effect and I go though the day feeling on edge and uncomfortable. It made for a nice change anyway.
current mood:  amused
current music: Villiers Terrace ~ Echo & The Bunnymen
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 6th, 2009
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8:46 pm
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S0 once again I'm sitting at a padlocked computer in an almost clinical dirty white room the only entrance of which is through a seedy looking doorway and up some creaky old stairs. Bad radio is playing in the background and I'm surrounded by backpackers who don't seem to have washed in a while. Last March it was in London, this time it's Melbourne. Funny how these places, 24 hour internet cafes that is, all seem the same. And like last March it's mostly for the sake of Gary Numan. Mostly. As I found when I entered the airport earlier I have a deep-seeded love of travel and it all came rushing back. Airports, planes, hotels, internet cafes; all of it. Finding places I haven't been to before and feeling the atmosphere of a city I haven't seen for too long.
When I was a kid and we lived in Geelong we'd come here at least once a fortnight, a croissant for breakfast while watching Sunday in the morning, to the Alba for morning tea and a trip to the Vic Markets. Roughly in that order, I can't remember if the markets came before morning tea or after.
If this little sojourn continues like last March then I'm going to be bursting into tears at least once as I stumble across somewhere that reminds me of mum.
But back to Numan. The Sydney show was awesome. Totally and completely. I was up against the barrier and right in front of the stage. The set was a wonderful mix of old and new, with the mandatory Cars, Down in the Park and Are Friends Electric. He also played a new song from the hopefully up and coming album and quite a bit of Jagged and Pure. Including the song Pure which is one of my favourites. Found one person I met on the Replicas tour, Jim from America; train driver and president of the North American Gary Numan Fan Club, that was his 59th Numan gig and tomorrow will be the 60th.
I have to say I was quite jealous of his mic stand. The guy might be a grade A dork but damn is he sexy on stage! I just love the way he moves, not quite all out dancing but very nice to watch.
All I have to add to the above is that the hotel I'm staying at is lush and I wish I was here for more than one weekend.
current mood:  awake
current music: Commercial crap
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 24th, 2008
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12:00 am
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Whenever I see the word 'harem' the first image that pops into my mind is those huge, ugly, big nosed bull Elephant Seals trying to bite each other into submission for the right to mate with all the females around them. Giant floppy noses and eyes rolling to reveal the whites, head-butting each other and making huge HHNNNNGGGOORRRKKK noises.
I think I've been watching too many nature documentaries...
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
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10:49 pm
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I dreamed about my mother for the first time this morning. She was like she was before the cancer came back, before it really started to take her away. She was beautiful and she could move easily and without pain. I didn't think I could remember her like that any more, that it was too far back.
I miss her so much.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 16th, 2008
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12:51 am - Urgh
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I have the flu, I haven't been this sick since I was in Japan. At least then I had the joys of a new and interesting culture to distract me, all I'm surrounded by right now is tissues. ._.
I WANT TO BREATHE THROUGH MY NOSE AGAIN!!
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(comment on this)
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| Saturday, November 15th, 2008
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8:04 pm
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Just checked out the new profile look, not sure how I feel about, it looks too empty, like I should have more things added or something...
But something jumped out at me; I've had this thing for 5 years now! I haven't been terribly faithful to it, but at least I haven't forgotten about it completely.
Things are moving along quite wonderfully in my life right now, but those details deserve a post of their own. Suffice to say I've finally had a taste of something I've been craving for years.
current mood:  sick
current music: Dominion ~ Sisters of Mercy
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 23rd, 2008
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9:17 am
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Just got back from trying to walk to work. Do not feel good. My legs feel like jelly, my stomach like it's made from concrete and my sinuses seem to be filling with goo. I also feel both too hot and too cold.
My bed is making incredibly tempting come hither type motions...or maybe my eyes are just going wonky.
Either way: SLEEP!!
current mood: sick
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, October 12th, 2008
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2:07 pm
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Just tried to go get a hamburger for lunch.
YOU CANNOT GET A HAMBURGER FOR LESS THAN $7 IN CROWS NEST!!
This offends my sensibilities as a near broke, indebted cheapskate.
I went to Subway instead. Still cost $6.50. *grumbles*
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(comment on this)
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11:58 am - the annoyance of self discovery
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Applies doubly so when it's something that flies in the face of almost
everything you brought up to think or believe about yourself.
When it's something you've known for what feels like years but you can
only now actually put into words. And even then only in your head,
can't bring yourself to say it out loud, not yet.
When you wish it wasn't true, but also know it's part of the reason you feel so lost and miserable.
I feel like I'm spitting on my mothers grave when I think about it. I know she'd be so disappointed in me, and I still have all the aftershocks of guilt and regret echoing through my head, it just piles up.
current mood:  miserable
current music: Lyriel
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, October 11th, 2008
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12:42 am
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Got tickets to all Numan shows! Now I just have to sort out travel and board.
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(comment on this)
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2008
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9:38 pm
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I am: Upset, lonely, annoyed, queasy, impatient, angry, disappointed, wanting to yell at various people around me and just, in general, rather unhappy.
So I'm going to post 10 favourite songs/video clips.
1. Ballade de Mercy by Corvus Corax. Gorgeous song,though I prefer the album version to the live one.
2. Tyger by Tangerine Dream. I can just lose myself in this song for hours.
3. Memoria by Lyriel. I dont know why but this jarring, lilting, many layered song just grabbed me and hasn't let go.
4. Mordred's Lullaby by Heather Dale. Dark, brutal and deeply sad. What kind of a mother would sing this to her child? Morgan le Fay.
5. Green Man by XTC. Can't really say why but I've always loved this song.
6. Pure by Gary Numan. Dark and lovely, this sends the most wonderful shivers down my spine.
7. Eloise by The Damned. Included solely for Dave's eyebrow. Watch the clip and you'll see what I mean.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3CZONdLDmc
8. True Faith by New Order. This song always makes me feel better.
9. Crazier by Gary Numan vs. Rico. I couldn't just leave it at one Numan song =P
10. Learn to be Lonely sung by Minnie Driver. Possibly my favourite Nuada fan video. It shows his more tragic side...
As you can tell if you watched any of these, I'm slowly but surely turning into a Prince Nuada fangirl. It's nice to be in a fandom again.
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(comment on this)
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| Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
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11:47 pm - Evil Elves make the world go round.
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There seems to be an explosion of Nuada fan-vids happening on YouTube. This is wonderful for me as he has quickly become one of my favourite fictional characters.
In fact I'm more than a little smitten with him.
current mood:  sqeee
current music: Bibit Aleum ~ Corvus Corax
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, September 22nd, 2008
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6:07 pm - Argh Argh Argh
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New flatmate is driving me insane.
Right now I really, really wish I lived alone.
current mood:  aggravated
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(comment on this)
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